Seeing our attitudes with new eyes
Sergio’s experience of attitudes in his family
“I am very much the product of both my parents’ attitudes to life. My Babbo, for example, grew up poor and would cross town to save 2c on a purchase. But my Mamma would buy the best thing, even if it was more expensive. I can see both these tendencies in me when I spend.”
“As an immigrant family in the 1950’s being self-sufficient was a strong life attitude. We learnt not to be dependent on some contractor who might rip us off. These attitudes are still very much who I am today.” – Sergio
Re-looking at attitudes is part of being intentional about our inner growth
Our attitudes are ingrained in us and usually invisible until we have to respond to a situation, or to make a decision. We often feel that they are ‘just us’ and can’t be changed. However if we are to grow we need to challenge and update them where necessary. If they are rigid and stuck they are probably controlling us, causing us to make ‘pre-packed’ decisions that might no longer be appropriate.
Often we hang onto our past ‘safe’ framework for we dislike the uncomfortable feelings that come from questioning our known ‘normal’. Sometimes it will take some kind of crisis to force us to examine ourselves, but hopefully we can avoid some of this by being more intentional about our inner growth now. It’s crucial to look back to see how our attitudes formed – how we differ, say, from our siblings who grew up in the same family.
We can refresh attitudes with the help of friends
All of us are only alive now and in order to make this moment a life-giving space, we need to understand which past attitudes are negatively affecting our relationships. These attitudes are the ones that really matter. Sometimes we can’t see them ourselves. This is why true friends play such an important part. They can touch us at a real place if they can honestly, and without judgement, say what they see in us. True friends are thus able to give us life and help us to become more authentically ourselves.
