If we are distracted and so lose this moment, we have lost it forever. If we are busy focusing on other things that pull us away from the now, we are actually losing our lives. Are we becoming more aware of what we bring to the moment, that we often load it with expectations leaving little space for the unknown? Are we in touch with what’s going on internally? Our moods indeed can affect how open we are and we can allow them to define what happens. We can choose to give our moments the chance to change us, to shift how we are feeling. If we think that we have to, say, make others happy and always be there for them in the same way then we’ve fallen into a trap. This way of always saying, “Yes.”, will cause us to pretend we’re always like this, which simply isn’t true. Our “Yes” and our “No” need to have equal strength – if we are stuck in either, we’re in trouble, for we won’t then be able to engage appropriately and to do what’s really needed in that moment.
What do others experience when they come into our ‘space’? Is there a welcome or is there a locked door? Can we stay open emotionally, ready to be surprised, or is the space already defined? Are we managing our own needs so that we don’t take from another inappropriately? Do we think, “I will love you if it suits me, if I can control how that looks.”? Even with the same person, if we let it, each moment will be different.
We can choose to live reactively, according to whatever feelings are coming up currently. We might say things like, “It was like this…so never again.”, or, “It was like that…so it must happen again.”. All our interactions with each other have profound undercurrents. We need to be aware that the very little event, gesture or word can be signalling a bigger picture. Our relational intuition is very important, for it signals for us an invitation to stop and to sense what that particular moment is needing. There is a healthier relational space between us when we’re being real.
This moment doesn’t depend on what the other can do for us, but what we can do for the wellbeing of the other. We can’t hold onto any moment. We can miss it, but if we are aware that significant things are happening, we can be both changed and enlarged.