Measuring ourselves against others divides us

All of us long to feel that who we are is enough. Yet we live in an adversarial culture where we are constantly measured. What our society values is continually put before us with countless opinions of each and every facet of our lives. We can easily end up defining ourselves by how we match up to these.

Often we will find ourselves pitted against others in the race for approval. We are vulnerable to being ‘sliced and diced’ according to our perceived intelligence, looks and achievements. For we are all sensitive to who’s ‘in’ and who’s ‘out’, who’s ‘up’ and who’s ‘down’. But it is this measuring of ourselves against others that leaves us separated and alienated.

Creating a more complete picture from multiple opinions

When we share opinions we are saying how we see things and how it compares with how others see them. The way both sides see should add to each opinion, but too often one opinion is denied, dismissed or discredited as the other side is held up as the complete picture.

We are not meant to operate alone and differing opinions should not be posing a threat. The hard part is when we find ourselves judged and put down. These value judgments are what make loving someone difficult and which distort real relationships, which can only happen between equals.

We will need to refuse to operate with a winner/loser argumentative attitude. Connection can’t happen within an adversarial, opinion swopping context. We are meant to help each other to see ourselves in a clearer way, to pull the gold out of each other, for the noble rises in us as we address it. If we can trust that we are indeed a gift to each other, that our differences don’t need to separate us, we can live in a safer space where both parties are energised and enriched.