It is easy not to share the real person – to resort to more superficial banter and avoid how we really feel. We all have a fairly predictable emotional landscape, a behaviour pattern which formed through our childhood. This shows us which feelings rattle us, which we try to avoid, and those we try to generate more of. In this way we often rely on past feelings to try to manage our present emotional framework. Pervasive emotional preferences like fear, anger and despair may grow and over time will be reflected in our faces and bodies. Continue reading Levels of Learning to Love – Sharing Emotions
Measuring ourselves against others divides us
All of us long to feel that who we are is enough. Yet we live in an adversarial culture where we are constantly measured. What our society values is continually put before us with countless opinions of each and every facet of our lives. We can easily end up defining ourselves by how we match up to these. Continue reading Stages of Loving – Sharing Opinions
Learning to filter the information we receive
We are living in a world where we’re being flooded by information. To avoid being washed away by it we need to learn how to sift and process it. Since the information we receive into ourselves forms and shapes our identity, it’s very important to discern if what we are being given is untrue or partial truth.
This is especially important in how we are seen for if that information is incorrect it can have profoundly negative affects on us. Continue reading Healing Misinformation Wounds
A meeting of words and messages
Have you noticed that young children don’t’ ask, ‘How are you? ‘They are simply present, engaging as is true for them. Their words, tone, and body language are consistent.
All of us have been habituated into clichéd questions and answers for initial connections. These can be superficial or a stepping point into something deeper. Continue reading Unless you become like a little child…
Without being seen, we’ll starve relationally
We all so need real connection to others through the eyes. It is in the simple act of seeing and being seen that a profound transaction of life happens. If we do not receive this from anyone, we can become relationally anorexic as our sense of self is not fed.
Relationships reveal a lot about ourselves
It is only in relationships that we can see our patterns. Few of us come with a blank slate. Usually we have a picture in our minds from past experiences of how we expect an interaction to develop. Continue reading We can learn from surprising relationships
By relating with others we get a fuller picture of ourselves
It is in our relationships that our patterns of relating become apparent. We see more of who we are through others.
For many of us our relationships are our greatest gift, yet they are also areas of our greatest pain. In order for them to be life-giving we need to put our best energy into them.
As we all know, each relationship is unique and has its own particular ‘chemistry’. Continue reading How to get to know all the parts of yourself
Just like when snow blankets the world and hides the reality beneath it until it melts, so too with us.
Many times we make decisions unaware of what’s causing us to on the inside. Just like when snow blankets the world and hides the reality beneath it until it melts, so too with us. Our inner agendas, often made from unchecked out assumptions, become visible in our daily choices and behaviours. If reflected on, we come to understand even more what repetitive patterns are operating in us. Continue reading Why do we do what we do?
What is shame and where does it come from?
If we believe that we are not enough we give this lie power over us. When our defenses are down, and we’ve lost sight of our worth in God’s eyes, we’re particularly vulnerable to shame.
Shame is different from guilt. Guilt says, “You’ve made a mistake,” but shame says, “You are a mistake. You are not okay.” Words and experiences that feed our shame stay with us for years. Is there shame in how clever or stupid we perceive ourselves to be? When we look at our bodies do we feel ugly or undesirable? Have we come to believe that in our relationships we are just not enough? Do we carry shame about our past, our background, our family secrets? When we compare ourselves to others do we wonder if we’ve achieved enough?
We can choose to take hold of words and experiences that healed us of shame
We need to listen to the voices that are speaking in our mind, body, heart soul and spirit. What is stopping us from truly being ourselves?
Seeing our attitudes with new eyes
Sergio’s experience of attitudes in his family
“I am very much the product of both my parents’ attitudes to life. My Babbo, for example, grew up poor and would cross town to save 2c on a purchase. But my Mamma would buy the best thing, even if it was more expensive. I can see both these tendencies in me when I spend.”
“As an immigrant family in the 1950’s being self-sufficient was a strong life attitude. We learnt not to be dependent on some contractor who might rip us off. These attitudes are still very much who I am today.” – Sergio Continue reading Revealing attitudes for the sake of inner growth