From childhood we’ve all sensed imbalances of power. In most relationships, though often unspoken, we feel we are being continually measured, pegged at different levels. We all know who’s stronger than us – whether verbally, emotionally or physically – and we know who can punish or frighten us. We sense where we are placed in our social circles, whether at the centre as the ‘queen bee’, or further out towards the fringe.
Each of our early experiences are peopled with memories which touched us, both the good and the painful. The patterns we each developed to flourish and to survive then are the same as those we still use today. That particular person or event from our past is long gone, but our learnt patterns of relating remain. We continue to see ourselves and others (even God) through this lens.
Continue reading Childhood Hurts – Blockage Or Bridge? →
Most of us have been brought up to please others, often at the expense of our real feelings. Within us all lies our deepest fear, that of rejection. We know all to well what our society sees as acceptable and what is deemed unacceptable. This can cause us to play a game to fit in at all costs. Continue reading Can we express our real selves to each other? →
Our fundamental need as people is to be seen. From the start we were fed our identity through others’ eyes. If we were seen, we came alive. If we were not seen, or were seen critically, we were damaged or wounded and felt like we were a shadow and didn’t exist. As we grew, the receptivity in another’s eyes was so important, as it launched us, shaped us, gave us a sense of who we were. Continue reading Being Seen in Full Measure →
Choosing to see ourselves differently
As children, we constantly wanted to understand things at a deeper level. We’re all familiar with the never-ending ‘Why…?’ that emanates from young children’s lips. This constant flow of growth through reflection and openness to life needs to continue to characterize us as adults. Continue reading What Do We Deserve? →
Leaving ‘survival mode’ and celebrating who we are
Unless we’ve become free of it, each of us continues to measure ourselves every day. It’s almost as if we’ve swallowed an inner measuring tape by which we constantly check ourselves with questions like, “Have I done enough?”, “Am I clever enough?” or “Have I met their expectations?”. This inner tyrant drives us to keep proving we’re enough. But constant judgement is waiting to fall! Continue reading Finding Enough →
Looking at ways we’ve learned to value or devalue ourselves
Self-reflection is important because through it we discover how we came to be who we are now. We see, too, where our self-esteem is ‘firm’ and where we’re still ‘wobbly’ and scared to push out on it. Through it we also realise where our movement outward has been compromised.
Most of us have spent the first half of our lives trying to satisfy society’s expectations and ways of measuring us. Continue reading Measured and Found Wanting →
tools for real relationships
