“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me.”
Although we may have said this trying to defend ourselves at school, we all know that this is not true. Many of the ongoing wounds we carry are word based. We each can recall offensive things that were aimed at us, whether they were meant to hurt or not. We remember still, when our inadequacies were exposed in some way and we either retreated or fought back, not wanting to show how much it actually hurt.
Those offensive words, often said by someone who wasn’t close to us or who didn’t understand our situation accurately, continue to fester over time. If they came at times when we were feeling vulnerable they more easily eroded our self-esteem and caused self-doubt.
Though offensive words sting, they do not need to continue to define us. Understanding the intention behind someone’s comment may help us let it go, so, if we can, we need to risk asking them to clarify why they said what they did. We help each other when we risk being more transparent and real in our relationships. We need to be very wise and loving in order to be able to speak and receive truth.
God knows and sees our weaknesses, but never reprimands us in a demeaning way. His unconditional love gives us the safe space to risk looking at our sinful patterns. He hurts too at the destructive words that have offended us. Yet He wants us to walk free, to keep our emotional accounts clean and to become safe, life giving presences for others.
Monday Night Meeting – 9 April 2018
Sergio Milandri will lead the meeting. There are typically times of input, personal reflection, and sharing in pairs (or as a group).
Date: 9 April 2018. These meetings take place on most Monday evenings.
Times: From 6:15 for 6:30 pm we’ll have a bring-and-share meal in the Sans Pareil barn. From 7:15 for 7:30 pm until 9 pm we have our core teaching, reflection, discussion and exercise times.
Coffee and tea are available.
Address: Sans Pareil, 1 Welbevind Way, Hout Bay, Cape Town.
Cost: R100 per person, paid at the door. Discounts are available if needed. No booking required.
Extras: For the meal, please bring a plate to share (not dessert) and a drink to share. Please bring a dish that doesn’t need to be heated.
Just as we have a body, we have an inner self. There are similarities between our physical and our unseen parts. If we reflect on our body and how we care for it, we can learn a lot about about how to tend to our inner ‘body’. Just as we eat well and exercise to keep healthy, so too we nurture and love our inner self.
Continue reading “Where does it hurt?” Healing our wounds in order to live more fully
Our fundamental need as people is to be seen. From the start we were fed our identity through others’ eyes. If we were seen, we came alive. If we were not seen, or were seen critically, we were damaged or wounded and felt like we were a shadow and didn’t exist. As we grew, the receptivity in another’s eyes was so important, as it launched us, shaped us, gave us a sense of who we were. Continue reading Being Seen in Full Measure
Understanding our mom’s past brings clarity and compassion to our own story
In order for each of us to become our own person we need to leave our mother’s force field. Co-dependence with her is easy and good as a starting point, but it’s not a good ending point.
To help young men and women with this journey to self-hood, many cultures have rituals which are significant both for the mother and her child. For us in the West, often all we get when we turn 21 is a key that doesn’t fit anywhere or open anything. For us it’s an ongoing process of learning to trust our way of seeing instead of always deferring to our mother’s opinion. This isn’t an easy shift as, for many of our growing years, her well-intentioned choices decided how we should behave in ways she felt were socially appropriate. We often conformed without question simply for fear of rejection or being ostracized. Continue reading Our Mother’s Moulding
Our mother’s role in learning to trust ourselves
Our ability to relate is a learnt skill and all our lives we continue this journey of learning to relate. Our mother’s womb was a special place, a perfect environment where all our physical needs were met. Though we were tiny we read her emotional force field very well. When we registered negative emotions we developed patterns about our own ability to trust ourselves and the world around us.
Continue reading Finding Healing for What We have Received
Looking at the patterns of identity we’ve learned from our father
Most often, when we define ourselves, we think of our material successes as if our inherent worth is measured by the amount of money we have. If we find our identity in many external things – what we own, what people think of us, who we aspire to be like – then our true identity is stolen from us. Continue reading Do We Really Want to Change?
from last Monday’s Sans Pareil Session by participants:
“Make your own dreams & decisions and we’ll be there with you, and happy that you have made them.”
“The idea that Dad’s ideas and words become my inner voice.”
“Feelings we are not familiar with are not necessarily our enemy.”
“My desires are legitimate.”
“…Dying to my old way of seeing things.”
“The simplicity of the invitation to respond differently.”
Our subconscious has amazing coherence about who we are. It gives us ongoing tell-tales to encourage us to explore our inner drama further so we can find deeper integration and healing.
We all hold reality in different ways. In our heads we may carry an ideal of how things should be, but this sets us up for disappointment. Though it might give us nice feelings for a while, it is disconnected from our fuller reality. Continue reading Our Body Speaks