Sometimes our hardest task is to release those who have hurt us. Yet, it is one of the most profound aspects of being a life giver. We may have said the words, “I forgive you.”, but still feel resentment in our hearts. Events can have an immense afterlife and we can can hold onto them in order to hurt back in some way later.
Continue reading Finding freedom through forgiveness
Just as we have a body, we have an inner self. There are similarities between our physical and our unseen parts. If we reflect on our body and how we care for it, we can learn a lot about about how to tend to our inner ‘body’. Just as we eat well and exercise to keep healthy, so too we nurture and love our inner self.
Continue reading “Where does it hurt?” Healing our wounds in order to live more fully
Can we, with God, learn to love the less-than-lovely parts?
As we come to see ourselves more and more clearly, we choose either to accept or reject that self. The big question is whether we are able to find increasing acceptance for what might not be acceptable in our society’s eyes. Since few of us experienced truly unconditional love, many don’t know what this actually looks like. We have been taught to turn away from ourselves or others when the less-than-attractive becomes visible. We’ve also been habituated into always trying to show what is nice about ourselves to others and of not feeling at all comfortable with their seeing our less-than-lovely parts. Thus, we have imprisoned ourselves and others in this well-known societal game as we continually judge those negative parts and inwardly criticise our ambivalence. Continue reading Unconditional Acceptance
Much of our life movement has been around avoiding pain. To engage with conflict in a life-giving way we need to start working from a place of love.
For most of us conflict is just associated with pain. To cope, we’ve learnt to separate what we like and what we reject both in ourselves and in others. In this way we try to avoid fighting, to cover the tensions we feel or to defend ourselves against a perceived threat. We end up thinking some people are ‘wonderful’ while others we put down as ‘awful’. This is a common pattern in conflict, but is not a life-giving one.
Conflict will always be part of our human condition. So how can we find transformative, life-giving ways with it? Continue reading Finding Healing on the Path of Pain
From childhood we’ve all sensed imbalances of power. In most relationships, though often unspoken, we feel we are being continually measured, pegged at different levels. We all know who’s stronger than us – whether verbally, emotionally or physically – and we know who can punish or frighten us. We sense where we are placed in our social circles, whether at the centre as the ‘queen bee’, or further out towards the fringe.
Each of our early experiences are peopled with memories which touched us, both the good and the painful. The patterns we each developed to flourish and to survive then are the same as those we still use today. That particular person or event from our past is long gone, but our learnt patterns of relating remain. We continue to see ourselves and others (even God) through this lens.
Continue reading Childhood Hurts – Blockage Or Bridge?
Learning to filter the information we receive
We are living in a world where we’re being flooded by information. To avoid being washed away by it we need to learn how to sift and process it. Since the information we receive into ourselves forms and shapes our identity, it’s very important to discern if what we are being given is untrue or partial truth.
This is especially important in how we are seen for if that information is incorrect it can have profoundly negative affects on us. Continue reading Healing Misinformation Wounds
Shame is a punch to stomach; it blinds us to the truth, it seeks to isolate us. As we walk with God and others who love us, we receive His healing.
It is our ongoing life work to become aware of the different beliefs we carry in each part of ourselves – in our mind, body, heart, soul and spirit – because it is from out of our beliefs that our behaviour comes.
Shame, something we are all so familiar with, distorts what we believe to be the truth about ourselves. As a very powerful social manipulator, it is often used to get people to comply, to put others in their place and to adjust their behaviour. But shaming casts a shadow across our feelings of self-worth and leaves us feeling less, with doubt that we are enough. Continue reading Shame
How did it start?
Our experiences under the age of three gave us emotions from which we made assumptions about our world. Around us were others that modelled what permissible behaviour was, but often what they said we must do was idealized and different from what they did themselves. We tested life out for ourselves reinforcing learnt patterns into the foundation of our being. So our practiced behaviour became our way of engaging with reality. Continue reading Our Journey of Anger
Learning to play all the keys of our heart’s piano
We all have times of feeling low. It helps to understand what these are saying. Since we haven’t listened to and resolved our little depressions, we don’t know how to process our big ones. As we learn to love ourselves more fully, we need to do for ourselves what wasn’t done for us. We are empowered as we come to accept who we really are.
We all know from our own (and others’) depression, that there is no magical ‘quick fix’. Continue reading Befriending Depression
Our mother’s role in learning to trust ourselves
Our ability to relate is a learnt skill and all our lives we continue this journey of learning to relate. Our mother’s womb was a special place, a perfect environment where all our physical needs were met. Though we were tiny we read her emotional force field very well. When we registered negative emotions we developed patterns about our own ability to trust ourselves and the world around us.
Continue reading Finding Healing for What We have Received