Without being seen, we’ll starve relationally

We all so need real connection to others through the eyes. It is in the simple act of seeing and being seen that a profound transaction of life happens. If we do not receive this from anyone, we can become relationally anorexic as our sense of self is not fed.

When words are not used and we are just seen, then we are freer to interpret the look we have been given. We can also see clearer what we ourselves carry and what we bring to the relationship.

Life is about our growth and we stimulate this as we find our true selves. This discovery will be hampered if we only show facades to others and do not allow ourselves to be seen. These cannot feed us and if we persist we come to be starved relationally.

Wounds can cause us to put up protective facades

Each person has developed patterns of relating in order to survive. Are we defended, or very open and too vulnerable? Do we connect easily or is it difficult? Do we try to save others or do we tend to let them save us? Are we codependent or narcissistic? These patterns will be inappropriate in the areas that we have been hurt. We must never beat ourselves up for having them, as they developed out of our personal needs.

Dropping facades frees us and others too!

We all know that when we learnt to walk we fell many times. That didn’t stop us getting up again and again. Similarly in relationships we will all get hurt, though often unintentionally. That mustn’t cause us to refuse to take the risk to engage so as not to be wounded again.

It is in ongoing, safe relationships that we actually find our healing. We are transformed as we put down our defenses. For as we are real we are inviting the other to be so also. In that shared space both are transformed at a deep place, by the gift of the other.