Relationships reveal a lot about ourselves

It is only in relationships that we can see our patterns. Few of us come with a blank slate. Usually we have a picture in our minds from past experiences of how we expect an interaction to develop.

We may try to manipulate a situation, to change the other to what we want them to be. The mirror they are meant to be for us becomes distorted if we try to squeeze the relationship into a shape that only suits us.

Are we open to surprising relationships?

Are we willing to really see the self we haven’t wanted to see? How open are we to being surprised, to let the other take us to where we didn’t expect to go?

It’s in relationships, if we look, that we will see our lives laid bare – for these reflect back to us our fears, anxieties, desires, longings, beliefs and attitudes. Our patterns with people are consistent with the way we relate to God. As Jesus says, what we do to the other who’s the least we do to Him.

Each personality we engage with is a risk, for we will be changed by them if we allow them to, for each shows us something about ourselves. When we dance with someone it becomes apparent how hesitant or eager we are to engage and how creative or uncreative we believe ourselves to be. We see if we are able to receive expressions different from our own and what we tend to do when we feel uncomfortable. It shows us whether we’re open to the new and unfamiliar and if we often judge ourselves or others as lacking in some way.

Choosing which voices we receive

Inside us, our inner voices of what we have got to be or how the other must be, are ‘chirping’. As we choose to believe the same ones every time, our own life message becomes very clear.

We can give in and choose to continue to believe these voices about our looks, our identity, our abilities and those of others (including God). Or we can take the risk of allowing ourselves to be surprised as we are shown more about our fascinating selves and the other than we could have imagined.