Many things can distract us from really connecting with others. We may be tempted to have many, and different experiences, yet remain shallow in our human connections. If we give ourselves too much choice, wanting to have it all, we will lose discernment for what we really are here for. We need to become aware of what we bring to our interactive spaces, of how present we really are, for if we are not giving life to another, we actually are taking it from them. Do we nourish and satisfy others through our connections? We need to develop relational intuition where we stop judging people by externals and develop a sense for invisible things – to be aware of when there are facades between us, of when we are not being real.
All of us are only alive now. This moment in time is suspended between our past and our future, and the way we choose to live now defines our past and our future. Some will escape the present by just living for the future, maybe idealising it, others avoid it by living in the past with longings, resentment and remorse. Thus we can abandon the only moment we have to live.
How then do we come home to ourselves and become our own best friend? We all have struggled with relationships in different situations which have left us with feelings, that if we avoid, will affect our interactions. Feelings don’t serve us well if they are too contained, neither if we are bogged down with a mudslide of emotions. We need to give our attention to these because no-one can ‘magically’ take them away from us. When we set aside time to follow our own path of pain we come to see how these feelings originated. If we do not find healing for what’s inside us we will not be able to give life to others and may easily turn to addictions, which are simply anything we use to try to get rid of feelings we don’t want.
Amazingly, God uses everything for our good, for it is in this space of struggle that our gift lies. For it is at our place of wounding that we have our greatest sensitivity. It is far too easy simply to continue isolating ourselves and hiding our pain, whatever our pattern is. So, we need committed others to be ‘true mirrors’ – to challenge us and to create a reference point where we come to see our relational games. We help carry each others’ pain in a community who are honest and real, together with us on this journey. We learn to see where we have made wrong assumptions and beliefs about life which have skewed our perspective. As we choose to be more and more real in the present moment, we come to relate in a far more meaningful and life-giving way.