Ridding ourselves of problematic emotions is not the answer. Like a learner driver, we can learn to manage the powerful thrusts we experience.

Ridding ourselves of problematic emotions

Often people will think of their anxiety, fear and anger just as problematic, negative emotions. They are feelings that they’d prefer to get rid of. However, these strong emotions are needed by us in order to live each day. All three are engineered into our bodies.

It is possible to manage our emotions

What we need is to learn how to manage these emotions because if they do things in us that we can’t control they do cause big problems and harm. Like learning to drive a car we need time to learn how to engage these feelings, to find ways to stop them from making us jerk or stall so we can move more smoothly through life. Initially, we all needed help to gain control of our vehicle, and it took time to develop a competency in order to be able to handle the car appropriately.

Our anger is like our engine which we control through the clutch, the mediator of the engine. We need to learn when to disengage this when necessary, but it is a powerful driver!

Listen to Sergio’s Series on Creative Conflict

To begin with loving ourselves, we need to come to terms with parts of ourselves which are conflictual. Beyond the mess of what we often associate with conflict, lies a nugget of truth about ourselves and our world. 

Our fear is our sensing and discriminating energy, like our brakes which give us safety in the moment as we move forward. It doesn’t help to keep a foot down on the brakes all the time or we’ll get nowhere, overheat and wear out our brake pads.

Our anxiety is like our accelerator, and if used well, gives us appropriate engagement and awareness. It gives us that creative tension to move from the known to the new.

Learning to manage emotions appropriately

Trying to rid ourselves of these emotions and attempting to disengage from them is not the answer. We need all three to live. We all know of people who have learnt to be appropriate with them and who have gone far in their lives because of them. May we have the courage to listen to what our emotions are saying and to take them seriously. And may we learn from those people in our lives who handle them well.