The risk and necessity of self-love
Most of us were formed by people who programmed us to fit into society. It left us with feelings of ambivalence about who were, with feelings of inadequacy, instead of unconditional self-acceptance. We found ourselves wondering how to conform and how we could please others. Continue reading Pulling Out Our ‘Pegs’
Understanding our mom’s past brings clarity and compassion to our own story
In order for each of us to become our own person we need to leave our mother’s force field. Co-dependence with her is easy and good as a starting point, but it’s not a good ending point.
To help young men and women with this journey to self-hood, many cultures have rituals which are significant both for the mother and her child. For us in the West, often all we get when we turn 21 is a key that doesn’t fit anywhere or open anything. For us it’s an ongoing process of learning to trust our way of seeing instead of always deferring to our mother’s opinion. This isn’t an easy shift as, for many of our growing years, her well-intentioned choices decided how we should behave in ways she felt were socially appropriate. We often conformed without question simply for fear of rejection or being ostracized. Continue reading Our Mother’s Moulding
from last Monday’s Sans Pareil Session by participants:
“Make your own dreams & decisions and we’ll be there with you, and happy that you have made them.”
“The idea that Dad’s ideas and words become my inner voice.”
“Feelings we are not familiar with are not necessarily our enemy.”
“My desires are legitimate.”
“…Dying to my old way of seeing things.”
“The simplicity of the invitation to respond differently.”
Learning to value ourselves for who we really are, not by what we achieve
Most of our lives we’ve been formed around learning not to trust ourselves. “Not your way…This is the way,” is what we have been told. We may have been compliant as children and obeyed, or reactive, doing the opposite. But with both ways we were still reacting to the same external reference point.
It’s a risky business becoming more authentic, letting go of things that no longer fit us and following the things that give us life. Continue reading True to Our Self?
The way we spend money says a lot about us
A lot of the ways we see ourselves was taught us by our family. It’s like we’re plants that have been given our shape by a well-intentioned gardener and now, as adults, we need to come into our God-intentioned shape.
If we think back, we can see how our attitude to money was shaped. Do we still see those dynamics in the ways we spend and save now? Do we value ourselves more or less according to what we have? Continue reading The more we dig, the more we find!
Our subconscious has amazing coherence about who we are. It gives us ongoing tell-tales to encourage us to explore our inner drama further so we can find deeper integration and healing.
We all hold reality in different ways. In our heads we may carry an ideal of how things should be, but this sets us up for disappointment. Though it might give us nice feelings for a while, it is disconnected from our fuller reality. Continue reading Our Body Speaks
Our unresolved issues live within us and affect our ability to relate. If we challenge some of our formative assumptions it’ll change how we respond now. Continue reading Our Brokenness is Our Gift
Our lives didn’t begin when we got married. When we joined together, our picture was already quite well settled. We need to understand who we were and what we brought into the relationship. Continue reading Becoming Aware of Our Life Patterns