Using conflict to bring deeper connection rather than separation.
Though conflict is part of our life journey, most of us don’t welcome it. As the custodians of our growth, we are meant to hold our conflict and to steer it towards life-giving outcomes. Otherwise, we are simply releasing our responsibility for managing it and are choosing to be taken down roads that can have a negative impact on us. Continue reading Steering Conflict The Right Way
The feelings that formed in us in childhood have shaped our way of being in relationships. Now, as adults, we still carry that initial trigger event. As vulnerable children we’ve all struggled with someone stronger than us. At that stage we didn’t know how to stand our ground against them. Continue reading Self Assertion
“Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.”
Lyrics from Leonard Cohen in his song, ‘Anthem‘
As children we let our curiosity take us into unknown places to discover more about our world. If we were given freedom to explore, we learnt to take risks, if punished, to stay within known parameters. We also watched our parents make life choices which gave us our own feelings of what was possible or not. These feelings and behaviour patterns remain deeply engrained in us and as adults we are still either more cautious or are risk takers. Continue reading Light through the Cracks
These inner tensions are the tiger within.
Within our fast-paced and pressured lives, we seldom give time for reflection on what’s going on inside us. We go on, presuming we’re fine, till ‘the wheels come off’. Instead of ongoing attentiveness, we often simply ignore issues and race on until we desperately need a therapist. Continue reading Conflictual Landscape
The way we fight today was learnt as a child
All of us are on a journey to become fully ourselves, yet at every step the world pressures us to conform and obey the system. It is here that much struggle inside us happens as we so need to feel we belong. Many simply give themselves over to an institutionalized system, but if we listen, our inner self continues to cry out, ‘No, this isn’t me!’ and resists being squeezed into something it’s not. For too long we’ve not stood our ground and said, ‘Yes’ when we should have said, ‘No’, or ‘No’ when we should have said, ‘Yes’. Our over-compliance to, or reaction against the system, causes conflict within us. Continue reading Patterns of Conflict