When I (Sergio) was at Wits in the 70s I remember being amazed at what one lecturer told us one rainy day. He explained that raindrops falling on the North side of our roof flowed down into the Braamfontein spruit, on into the Jukskei River, then into the Limpopo River, around the (then) Transvaal, through Mozambique, and ended up in the Indian Ocean. But the rain that fell on the South side of the roof flowed down into the Vaal River, on into the Orange River and ended up in the Atlantic Ocean. Two very different destinations! I hadn’t remembered it since then and the Holy Spirit just brought it to mind again in our choices around fear.
Continue reading Where do our choices around fear take us?
Come and Experience Manhood
Join Sergio for a FAMSA Winter School 2016 Workshop
Engaging with the Journey of Masculine Identity
Both men and women need to experience something of the male journey of identity if they are to engage relationally with the male psyche. Men need to engage with the risks that constitute the development of a male self. Witnessing this transition is crucial for women as they engage with masculinity; whether in their own upbringing, their relationships with men or their forming of boys and younger men in their sphere of influence.
This workshop aims to give practical guidelines in transforming the masculine developmental experience.
Date: 8 July 2016
Time: 09:00-16:00
Cost: R700.00 per person
CPD: Will be applied with SACSSP & HPCSA
For more information, read the full workshop description.
Bookings can be made directly on the FAMSA website.
Setting Sail: Trusting Our Inner Compass
A compass on a steel yacht would be misleading if there weren’t magnets to keep it reading true. Those who sail need to be able to know that they can trust the direction the compass is showing them. Each compass needs to be swung, for if it’s incorrect by even 5°, it’ll mean sailors are really ‘at sea’, ending up where they didn’t want to be.
Like a compass that’s trying to tell us where to head, so our emotions are trying to communicate with us. We can’t just assume the compass is right though. Neither can we automatically assume that what our fear is telling us to do is correct. Our fears sometimes need to be recalibrated so we can trust them to give us good life direction. Continue reading Setting Sail: Trusting Our Inner Compass
Habitual Fear
In nature, creatures never try to be something else, but live simply, fully themselves. If there’s actual danger, they react with legitimate fear, but once it has passed, they relax. How would it be if we could rediscover what has been taken from us and live this freely? Continue reading Habitual Fear
Revisiting Our Childhood Fears
Most of our childhood fears were learned from our parents. Today, we can explore past assumptions and embrace the gift of healthy fear.
We learned to fear as children
A baby is born with only two fears: that of falling and of loud noises, but all of us now carry many different fears in our bodies. These we’ve learnt from others as they tried to shape our behaviour, but which more often just hampered our natural learning. Continue reading Revisiting Our Childhood Fears
Good expressions of anger
Knowing when to assert and when to yield
The first word breathed into our being was God’s, “BE”. Each of us was made with so much love and intentionality. God now looks at each of us with joy and says, “Be fully your unique self”, “Step by step become more yourself” and, “Be not afraid”. We need to take His word in for it to become flesh in us. So when God says, “Be angry, but sin not” He’s aware of the enormous potential we carry. We more often see anger as a slippery slope but God sees that our authentic anger can be transformative. Continue reading Good expressions of anger
Firming up the marshes, breaking down the rocks, on the road to life-giving anger
Where do our angry responses originate? Our eruptions are an outflow of what we’re already carrying inside ourselves. We’ve each formed habits of trying to manage our reality when we’re pushed out of shape, and these patterns which we typically used formed around our early experiences. The feelings we had when there was a power imbalance when we were little are still with us, and are part of our identity. So when something comes up that doesn’t sit well with us, we will follow our usual tendency of either withdrawing or moving towards the situation. Continue reading Firming up the marshes, breaking down the rocks, on the road to life-giving anger
Our Journey of Anger
How did it start?
Our experiences under the age of three gave us emotions from which we made assumptions about our world. Around us were others that modelled what permissible behaviour was, but often what they said we must do was idealized and different from what they did themselves. We tested life out for ourselves reinforcing learnt patterns into the foundation of our being. So our practiced behaviour became our way of engaging with reality. Continue reading Our Journey of Anger
Engage with Your Anger
Most of us struggle with anger in one way or another. Anger is a force for enormous change and is meant to be a positive tool to help us live fully. We’re born into a world with conflict. Our well-learned patterns of how we respond when we’re angry are deeply rooted in us. It’s these internalized patterns that are the problem. So often, since we dislike these we try to change our behaviour, but find this very difficult to do. For our automatic, visceral reactions come from a place that is not easy to access.
Continue reading Engage with Your Anger
I Am Your Anger
I am the engine inside of you. I am here to help you get through life, but you have never looked after me. You try to put me down and to get rid of me, but you can’t for I am integral to who you are. You neglect and ignore my warnings, but I break through your consciousness. I hide in your circumstances and I get you. I have to change things. I have to fix things. If you don’t manage me appropriately, you can’t blame me. You never engage with me, never befriend me. You sometimes use me so you can hurt others and frighten them. Continue reading I Am Your Anger