Our fundamental need as people is to be seen. From the start we were fed our identity through others’ eyes. If we were seen, we came alive. If we were not seen, or were seen critically, we were damaged or wounded and felt like we were a shadow and didn’t exist. As we grew, the receptivity in another’s eyes was so important, as it launched us, shaped us, gave us a sense of who we were. Continue reading Being Seen in Full Measure
The expression of authentic manhood has become increasingly difficult in our society. These problems centre on men having a growing sense of frustration with not having a clear sense of meaning or purpose. As women develop more independence, the fear of becoming irrelevant can cause men to become depressed or abusive. This is often due to a lack of understanding of their true identity and their unique place in society.
Women have for some time been entering a new reality about their identity and their contribution to society. Changes in the way they see themselves and the options they have, are broadening their choices and giving many a greater sense of power and control.
Despite these interior shifts, women are still faced with hardened attitudes in parts of society, and especially in their relationships with men. Many communities still have an ethos of male control, despite noticeable changes in the views of many men.
Risking Manhood explores the seven risks which men traditionally have had to undergo to achieve authentic manhood. These form the basis for grounding the identity firmly within one’s unique self and for establishing life-giving relationships. Continue reading Risking Manhood
Our needs change through our different life stages as we grow and mature. The needs we have as children or teens should develop with us as we get older. Our awareness of our different needs will help us not to go to the wrong places to have them fulfilled. For example, when we think we can satisfy our real hunger for good food with just snacks, we’ve gone to the wrong place. In the same way, we must see in what ways we may be going to inappropriate places to satisfy our real need for love and touch. Continue reading Right Needs, Wrong Means
Looking at ways we’ve learned to value or devalue ourselves
Self-reflection is important because through it we discover how we came to be who we are now. We see, too, where our self-esteem is ‘firm’ and where we’re still ‘wobbly’ and scared to push out on it. Through it we also realise where our movement outward has been compromised.
Most of us have spent the first half of our lives trying to satisfy society’s expectations and ways of measuring us. Continue reading Measured and Found Wanting
A reflection on our upbringing and God’s invitation to exuberant life
Our attraction to each other is fundamental to our common humanity. We are born with a natural curiosity. Our urge to explore helps us to keep deepening our knowledge of the other. This desire to discover is so important for our sexuality, which, when appropriate, gives us a deep sense of connection. Continue reading To Please or Not to Please, That is the Question
Learning to value ourselves for who we really are, not by what we achieve
Most of our lives we’ve been formed around learning not to trust ourselves. “Not your way…This is the way,” is what we have been told. We may have been compliant as children and obeyed, or reactive, doing the opposite. But with both ways we were still reacting to the same external reference point.
It’s a risky business becoming more authentic, letting go of things that no longer fit us and following the things that give us life. Continue reading True to Our Self?
The way we spend money says a lot about us
A lot of the ways we see ourselves was taught us by our family. It’s like we’re plants that have been given our shape by a well-intentioned gardener and now, as adults, we need to come into our God-intentioned shape.
If we think back, we can see how our attitude to money was shaped. Do we still see those dynamics in the ways we spend and save now? Do we value ourselves more or less according to what we have? Continue reading The more we dig, the more we find!
The patterns and roles we learnt from our upbringing have shaped each of us. These memories will hold us captive unless we make time to look at them.
These inner dynamics seem so ‘normal’ that we hardly realise they are there. We polish up our outer world to look good because we don’t know what to do with how we really think and feel on the inside. Continue reading Family Patterns
“I’ve often heard people say, “I don’t do emotions, I just think,” as if that’s now free or clever, but actually it’s like reducing your ability to know by 90%.” – Sergio Milandri
Our experience of life is fed by many sources of awareness, including those which are mental, emotional and intuitive. When we rely on only one form of knowing our whole awareness suffers.
In this Sans Pareil Session, Sergio Milandri introduces five ways of knowing and points to a need for a broader understanding of how we know things. Continue reading On Emotional Knowing
There are many ways of knowing. In this session Sergio Milandri introduces the topic of intuitive knowledge. We often think of knowing as a mental process, a rational grasp on things. Emotional ‘knowledge’ is also a powerful part of our lives, but can dominate us if feelings like fear, anger and loss aren’t kept in check. In this third Sans Pareil Session, Sergio explores the role of gut-feel and intuition in our lives.