Most of us have been brought up to please others, often at the expense of our real feelings. Within us all lies our deepest fear, that of rejection. We know all to well what our society sees as acceptable and what is deemed unacceptable. This can cause us to play a game to fit in at all costs. Continue reading Can we express our real selves to each other?
By relating with others we get a fuller picture of ourselves
It is in our relationships that our patterns of relating become apparent. We see more of who we are through others.
For many of us our relationships are our greatest gift, yet they are also areas of our greatest pain. In order for them to be life-giving we need to put our best energy into them.
As we all know, each relationship is unique and has its own particular ‘chemistry’. Continue reading How to get to know all the parts of yourself
Often we identify with the feelings we have and make them so part of our identity that we can’t separate from them. We say, for example, ‘I am angry,’ or ‘I am fearful,’ instead of, ‘Sometimes I experience anger or fear.’ We shape our thoughts, and receive them from others, but we are not our thoughts and feelings. We need to take responsibility for every feeling. They should not be our masters, but be our servants.
We often associate with having fear negatively. We see it as something that we need to control and get rid of. But all our feelings, including fear, are important messengers. Continue reading Feel the Fear and Give it Containment
Negotiating expectations in relationships
Growing up too compliant and obedient can undermine our need to become a separate person. If we’ve had to ‘be this…’ then it means we haven’t become our true selves. This attraction to sameness in order to be accepted is a trap and each of us has to take the risk of becoming our authentic self, trusting that we will still be liked. Like an acorn that has within it the complete blueprint of a massive tree, so too we carry the amazing design God has put in us. We can trust that this picture in us is good and life-giving. Continue reading Dreams We Carry
Discovering God’s blueprint of who we bring to relationships
Each of us has been designed uniquely by our Creator. As the architect of a house creates a plan, so too, God the Master Architect has a blueprint in His heart for us. Whether we’re married or not, He invites us to trust His wisdom and love to guide us in the hard but worthwhile risk of becoming ourselves. Continue reading Carriers of a Dream
Our needs change through our different life stages as we grow and mature. The needs we have as children or teens should develop with us as we get older. Our awareness of our different needs will help us not to go to the wrong places to have them fulfilled. For example, when we think we can satisfy our real hunger for good food with just snacks, we’ve gone to the wrong place. In the same way, we must see in what ways we may be going to inappropriate places to satisfy our real need for love and touch. Continue reading Right Needs, Wrong Means
A reflection on our upbringing and God’s invitation to exuberant life
Our attraction to each other is fundamental to our common humanity. We are born with a natural curiosity. Our urge to explore helps us to keep deepening our knowledge of the other. This desire to discover is so important for our sexuality, which, when appropriate, gives us a deep sense of connection. Continue reading To Please or Not to Please, That is the Question
The Consistency of Our Relating Skills
The way people have seen us has shaped us, and colours how we see ourselves now. Relationships are central to who we are. Most of us have hardly had any training in how to relate effectively. Like every aspect of our lives, relationships need to be managed and worked on- placed as a priority in order to give life and transform. Continue reading Reflection: ‘Prayer as Relationship’
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