Growing up too compliant and obedient can undermine our need to become a separate person. If we’ve had to ‘be this…’ then it means we haven’t become our true selves. This attraction to sameness in order to be accepted is a trap and each of us has to take the risk of becoming our authentic self, trusting that we will still be liked. Like an acorn that has within it the complete blueprint of a massive tree, so too we carry the amazing design God has put in us. We can trust that this picture in us is good and life-giving. Continue reading Dreams We Carry→
Discovering God’s blueprint of who we bring to relationships
Each of us has been designed uniquely by our Creator. As the architect of a house creates a plan, so too, God the Master Architect has a blueprint in His heart for us. Whether we’re married or not, He invites us to trust His wisdom and love to guide us in the hard but worthwhile risk of becoming ourselves. Continue reading Carriers of a Dream→
All of us have been taught to conform to our social systems, institutions and norms instead of trusting who we are as totally unique and amazing creatures. We have listened far more to the outside voice than to our own inner reality. Our need for acceptance is so strong that we struggle constantly with feeling inadequate. Continue reading Singleness & Autonomy→
Our fundamental need as people is to be seen. From the start we were fed our identity through others’ eyes. If we were seen, we came alive. If we were not seen, or were seen critically, we were damaged or wounded and felt like we were a shadow and didn’t exist. As we grew, the receptivity in another’s eyes was so important, as it launched us, shaped us, gave us a sense of who we were. Continue reading Being Seen in Full Measure→
The expression of authentic manhood has become increasingly difficult in our society. These problems centre on men having a growing sense of frustration with not having a clear sense of meaning or purpose. As women develop more independence, the fear of becoming irrelevant can cause men to become depressed or abusive. This is often due to a lack of understanding of their true identity and their unique place in society.
Women have for some time been entering a new reality about their identity and their contribution to society. Changes in the way they see themselves and the options they have, are broadening their choices and giving many a greater sense of power and control.
Despite these interior shifts, women are still faced with hardened attitudes in parts of society, and especially in their relationships with men. Many communities still have an ethos of male control, despite noticeable changes in the views of many men.
Risking Manhood explores the seven risks which men traditionally have had to undergo to achieve authentic manhood. These form the basis for grounding the identity firmly within one’s unique self and for establishing life-giving relationships. Continue reading Risking Manhood→
Our core need as humans is to love and be loved. Since we need this so much, we may find ourselves going about it in a roundabout way, manipulating relationships in order to get our needs met. We may, for example, give to another, simply because we hope to get back from them what we are longing for. We may try to have our hunger met in undercover ways by saying something obtuse, but often people don’t think to give it back to us. Continue reading Our Quest to have Needs Met→
To be human is to have needs and the place where they’re nourished and restored is in relationships. However, if we’ve been hurt or disappointed, we may shut down and try the route of independence, saying, “I don’t need you.” Life and growth are always a risk and always involve an opening of ourselves to parts we might not yet be familiar with. But if we choose not to take this path, we will deaden and stagnate, our inner reality will shrink. Continue reading Needs Draw Us to Life→
Our needs change through our different life stages as we grow and mature. The needs we have as children or teens should develop with us as we get older. Our awareness of our different needs will help us not to go to the wrong places to have them fulfilled. For example, when we think we can satisfy our real hunger for good food with just snacks, we’ve gone to the wrong place. In the same way, we must see in what ways we may be going to inappropriate places to satisfy our real need for love and touch. Continue reading Right Needs, Wrong Means→
The roots of our conflict lie inside us even though we usually think of them as something external. Actually, if we don’t have this internal conflict it is very difficult for external conflict to draw us in. Naturally conflict happens inside us as we push against things we don’t normally do or say, allowing our God-given urge to life to move us outward. We do risk a lot then, but it makes us feel alive. As adults, it’s so easy to smother this dynamic, withdraw or close down as the threat and fear around destructive conflict situations paralyzes us.
Since we’re all multi-layered beings, our true inner core has to pass through these layers in order to be seen. Our outer most fringe is our ego, our trading or measured self. Next is our story self, our memories of our joys and pains. Deeper in is our survival self that fights for our very right to exist. When we desire to move outward from our core and try to be authentic, the message gets distorted and blurred by these layers. It’s because of these that we feel vulnerable and scared to love, as the self we really are fights with the self we’ve pretended to be. The conflict we witness as a result of this isn’t the real issue, but like the ‘smoke’ that shows us what’s ‘burning’. Continue reading Choosing to Stand→
As children we let our curiosity take us into unknown places to discover more about our world. If we were given freedom to explore, we learnt to take risks, if punished, to stay within known parameters. We also watched our parents make life choices which gave us our own feelings of what was possible or not. These feelings and behaviour patterns remain deeply engrained in us and as adults we are still either more cautious or are risk takers. Continue reading Light through the Cracks→
