Discovering God’s blueprint of who we bring to relationships
Each of us has been designed uniquely by our Creator. As the architect of a house creates a plan, so too, God the Master Architect has a blueprint in His heart for us. Whether we’re married or not, He invites us to trust His wisdom and love to guide us in the hard but worthwhile risk of becoming ourselves. Continue reading Carriers of a Dream
All of us have been taught to conform to our social systems, institutions and norms instead of trusting who we are as totally unique and amazing creatures. We have listened far more to the outside voice than to our own inner reality. Our need for acceptance is so strong that we struggle constantly with feeling inadequate. Continue reading Singleness & Autonomy
The expression of authentic manhood has become increasingly difficult in our society. These problems centre on men having a growing sense of frustration with not having a clear sense of meaning or purpose. As women develop more independence, the fear of becoming irrelevant can cause men to become depressed or abusive. This is often due to a lack of understanding of their true identity and their unique place in society.
Women have for some time been entering a new reality about their identity and their contribution to society. Changes in the way they see themselves and the options they have, are broadening their choices and giving many a greater sense of power and control.
Despite these interior shifts, women are still faced with hardened attitudes in parts of society, and especially in their relationships with men. Many communities still have an ethos of male control, despite noticeable changes in the views of many men.
Risking Manhood explores the seven risks which men traditionally have had to undergo to achieve authentic manhood. These form the basis for grounding the identity firmly within one’s unique self and for establishing life-giving relationships. Continue reading Risking Manhood
Daring to allow our true selves to emerge
The roots of our conflict lie inside us even though we usually think of them as something external. Actually, if we don’t have this internal conflict it is very difficult for external conflict to draw us in. Naturally conflict happens inside us as we push against things we don’t normally do or say, allowing our God-given urge to life to move us outward. We do risk a lot then, but it makes us feel alive. As adults, it’s so easy to smother this dynamic, withdraw or close down as the threat and fear around destructive conflict situations paralyzes us.
Since we’re all multi-layered beings, our true inner core has to pass through these layers in order to be seen. Our outer most fringe is our ego, our trading or measured self. Next is our story self, our memories of our joys and pains. Deeper in is our survival self that fights for our very right to exist. When we desire to move outward from our core and try to be authentic, the message gets distorted and blurred by these layers. It’s because of these that we feel vulnerable and scared to love, as the self we really are fights with the self we’ve pretended to be. The conflict we witness as a result of this isn’t the real issue, but like the ‘smoke’ that shows us what’s ‘burning’.
Continue reading Choosing to Stand
“Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.”Lyrics from Leonard Cohen in his song, ‘Anthem‘
As children we let our curiosity take us into unknown places to discover more about our world. If we were given freedom to explore, we learnt to take risks, if punished, to stay within known parameters. We also watched our parents make life choices which gave us our own feelings of what was possible or not. These feelings and behaviour patterns remain deeply engrained in us and as adults we are still either more cautious or are risk takers. Continue reading Light through the Cracks
These inner tensions are the tiger within.
Within our fast-paced and pressured lives, we seldom give time for reflection on what’s going on inside us. We go on, presuming we’re fine, till ‘the wheels come off’. Instead of ongoing attentiveness, we often simply ignore issues and race on until we desperately need a therapist. Continue reading Conflictual Landscape
The way we fight today was learnt as a child
All of us are on a journey to become fully ourselves, yet at every step the world pressures us to conform and obey the system. It is here that much struggle inside us happens as we so need to feel we belong. Many simply give themselves over to an institutionalized system, but if we listen, our inner self continues to cry out, ‘No, this isn’t me!’ and resists being squeezed into something it’s not. For too long we’ve not stood our ground and said, ‘Yes’ when we should have said, ‘No’, or ‘No’ when we should have said, ‘Yes’. Our over-compliance to, or reaction against the system, causes conflict within us. Continue reading Patterns of Conflict
A reflection on our upbringing and God’s invitation to exuberant life
Our attraction to each other is fundamental to our common humanity. We are born with a natural curiosity. Our urge to explore helps us to keep deepening our knowledge of the other. This desire to discover is so important for our sexuality, which, when appropriate, gives us a deep sense of connection. Continue reading To Please or Not to Please, That is the Question
The risk and necessity of self-love
Most of us were formed by people who programmed us to fit into society. It left us with feelings of ambivalence about who were, with feelings of inadequacy, instead of unconditional self-acceptance. We found ourselves wondering how to conform and how we could please others. Continue reading Pulling Out Our ‘Pegs’
Understanding our mom’s past brings clarity and compassion to our own story
In order for each of us to become our own person we need to leave our mother’s force field. Co-dependence with her is easy and good as a starting point, but it’s not a good ending point.
To help young men and women with this journey to self-hood, many cultures have rituals which are significant both for the mother and her child. For us in the West, often all we get when we turn 21 is a key that doesn’t fit anywhere or open anything. For us it’s an ongoing process of learning to trust our way of seeing instead of always deferring to our mother’s opinion. This isn’t an easy shift as, for many of our growing years, her well-intentioned choices decided how we should behave in ways she felt were socially appropriate. We often conformed without question simply for fear of rejection or being ostracized. Continue reading Our Mother’s Moulding
