We all so need real connection to others through the eyes. It is in the simple act of seeing and being seen that a profound transaction of life happens. If we do not receive this from anyone, we can become relationally anorexic as our sense of self is not fed.
Continue reading Dropping Facades which Hamper True Self Discovery
It is only in relationships that we can see our patterns. Few of us come with a blank slate. Usually we have a picture in our minds from past experiences of how we expect an interaction to develop. Continue reading We can learn from surprising relationships
It is in our relationships that our patterns of relating become apparent. We see more of who we are through others.
For many of us our relationships are our greatest gift, yet they are also areas of our greatest pain. In order for them to be life-giving we need to put our best energy into them.
As we all know, each relationship is unique and has its own particular ‘chemistry’. Continue reading How to get to know all the parts of yourself
Just like when snow blankets the world and hides the reality beneath it until it melts, so too with us.
Many times we make decisions unaware of what’s causing us to on the inside. Just like when snow blankets the world and hides the reality beneath it until it melts, so too with us. Our inner agendas, often made from unchecked out assumptions, become visible in our daily choices and behaviours. If reflected on, we come to understand even more what repetitive patterns are operating in us. Continue reading Why do we do what we do?
If we believe that we are not enough we give this lie power over us. When our defenses are down, and we’ve lost sight of our worth in God’s eyes, we’re particularly vulnerable to shame.
Shame is different from guilt. Guilt says, “You’ve made a mistake,” but shame says, “You are a mistake. You are not okay.” Words and experiences that feed our shame stay with us for years. Is there shame in how clever or stupid we perceive ourselves to be? When we look at our bodies do we feel ugly or undesirable? Have we come to believe that in our relationships we are just not enough? Do we carry shame about our past, our background, our family secrets? When we compare ourselves to others do we wonder if we’ve achieved enough?
We need to listen to the voices that are speaking in our mind, body, heart soul and spirit. What is stopping us from truly being ourselves?
Continue reading Healing shame – reclaiming God’s image of us
Seeing our attitudes with new eyes
“I am very much the product of both my parents’ attitudes to life. My Babbo, for example, grew up poor and would cross town to save 2c on a purchase. But my Mamma would buy the best thing, even if it was more expensive. I can see both these tendencies in me when I spend.”
“As an immigrant family in the 1950’s being self-sufficient was a strong life attitude. We learnt not to be dependent on some contractor who might rip us off. These attitudes are still very much who I am today.” – Sergio Continue reading Revealing attitudes for the sake of inner growth
Shame is a punch to stomach; it blinds us to the truth, it seeks to isolate us. As we walk with God and others who love us, we receive His healing.
It is our ongoing life work to become aware of the different beliefs we carry in each part of ourselves – in our mind, body, heart, soul and spirit – because it is from out of our beliefs that our behaviour comes.
Shame, something we are all so familiar with, distorts what we believe to be the truth about ourselves. As a very powerful social manipulator, it is often used to get people to comply, to put others in their place and to adjust their behaviour. But shaming casts a shadow across our feelings of self-worth and leaves us feeling less, with doubt that we are enough. Continue reading Shame
Listening to what our beliefs say in each area of our being
Each of us behaves very differently within the same experience. This is because we each interpret life through our ‘normal’ filter, our inner belief systems. As we relate to each other we may choose to try to make our norm happen over and over or else we can be touched and changed by each situation. Continue reading Beliefs We Hold
Sergio Milandri introduces the Dating & Relating workshops which are to take place on the last Friday of each month in Hout Bay, Cape Town.
Next Dating & Relating: 26 Aug, 7-10pm
Ridding ourselves of problematic emotions is not the answer. Like a learner driver, we can learn to manage the powerful thrusts we experience.
Often people will think of their anxiety, fear and anger just as problematic, negative emotions. They are feelings that they’d prefer to get rid of. However, these strong emotions are needed by us in order to live each day. All three are engineered into our bodies.
What we need is to learn how to manage these emotions because if they do things in us that we can’t control they do cause big problems and harm. Like learning to drive a car we need time to learn how to engage these feelings, to find ways to stop them from making us jerk or stall so we can move more smoothly through life. Continue reading Learning to Manage Problematic Emotions
