Our ability to relate is a learnt skill and all our lives we continue this journey of learning to relate. Our mother’s womb was a special place, a perfect environment where all our physical needs were met. Though we were tiny we read her emotional force field very well. When we registered negative emotions we developed patterns about our own ability to trust ourselves and the world around us. Continue reading Finding Healing for What We have Received→
Looking at the patterns of identity we’ve learned from our father
Most often, when we define ourselves, we think of our material successes as if our inherent worth is measured by the amount of money we have. If we find our identity in many external things – what we own, what people think of us, who we aspire to be like – then our true identity is stolen from us. Continue reading Do We Really Want to Change?→
Learning to value ourselves for who we really are, not by what we achieve
Most of our lives we’ve been formed around learning not to trust ourselves. “Not your way…This is the way,” is what we have been told. We may have been compliant as children and obeyed, or reactive, doing the opposite. But with both ways we were still reacting to the same external reference point.
It’s a risky business becoming more authentic, letting go of things that no longer fit us and following the things that give us life. Continue reading True to Our Self?→
A lot of the ways we see ourselves was taught us by our family. It’s like we’re plants that have been given our shape by a well-intentioned gardener and now, as adults, we need to come into our God-intentioned shape.
If we think back, we can see how our attitude to money was shaped. Do we still see those dynamics in the ways we spend and save now? Do we value ourselves more or less according to what we have? Continue reading The more we dig, the more we find!→
The patterns and roles we learnt from our upbringing have shaped each of us. These memories will hold us captive unless we make time to look at them.
These inner dynamics seem so ‘normal’ that we hardly realise they are there. We polish up our outer world to look good because we don’t know what to do with how we really think and feel on the inside. Continue reading Family Patterns→
Our subconscious has amazing coherence about who we are. It gives us ongoing tell-tales to encourage us to explore our inner drama further so we can find deeper integration and healing.
We all hold reality in different ways. In our heads we may carry an ideal of how things should be, but this sets us up for disappointment. Though it might give us nice feelings for a while, it is disconnected from our fuller reality. Continue reading Our Body Speaks→
Physically representing emotions that we carry from our earliest childhood can be helpful. For example, we could choose an object to illustrate our struggles or draw our early emotional dynamics. Then we are able to see our inner landscape.
By receiving our emotions, by re-feeling the feeling, we better understand what has created our own unique emotional landscape. We often think our feelings come from someone or something ‘out there’, but those situations are simply mirroring back to us what is going on inside.
In growing up people around us either saw us truly, as we were, or they just didn’t ‘get us’. Many of us felt unseen, unloved and not enough. We felt measured and were found wanting. This has profoundly affected the way we see ourselves today. Our fear of not being ‘OK’ to those around us makes us hide our real and precious selves.
